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My Top Five Tips for Having a Swell SXSW
Actual trash can from SXSW, also a visual depiction of you afterwards
I’m not going to SXSW this year, but I consider myself a veteran and would like to pass along some knowledge, based on personal experience, for tips that might help you emerge unscathed from a week-long booze/band fest. I make the mistakes so you don’t have to, like Billy Corgan!
1. Just realize that at some point you’re going to puke, not from anything specific per se, but just from everything. It will happen, and you’re never not surrounded by hundreds of cool people, so you’ll want to ready yourself ahead of time for what you plan to do when your body suddenly physically rejects SXSW.
2. Avoid local news crews trying to get your opinion on a tragic event that went down during the festival. They’re only looking for sound bites, and they’ll end up taking what you said and shrinking it down into a statement that makes you out to be the dumb girl that will get into any cab out there, regardless of if a girl was just raped by a cabbie, because you just have to get home, ya know? Ugh. Walk away.
3. If you can, get a bike and ride it beyond the confines of the heathen mall that is Sixth Street. Ride it around until you find an awesome metal band (or whatever) playing in a tattoo shop parking lot in the noon day sun while free Tecates are being handed out. It’s important you understand that this may quite possibly be your greatest moment in Austin. You have to dig to find the rare gems. Don’t be a follower.
4. If some random dude, most likely a townie, tells you to fuck off for just standing on the street existing, don’t say anything back. After 12 hours of drinking, you’ll most certainly want to, but don’t. It’ll just get some nice guy standing next to you sucker punched, which is actually somehow worse than running your mouth and getting sucker punched yourself.
5. This may seem like bad advice, but… whatever you do, never get sober. I realize that a week-long bender might lead one to encounter 1, 2, and 4 from above and make 3 somewhat irresponsible, but the alternative is actually worse. If you sober up at all, it will lead you to realize the harm you’re doing to your body (with the onslaught of bands, booze and BBQ), which might render you unable to carry on. Stay mildly drunk the whole time, and deal with the aftermath when you get home.
Have fun!
Today You Can Hate on This: Billy Corgan Pontificating on the Career of John Mayer
Isn’t this always the way? You take up religion and hanging out with Jessica Simpson and then you’ve got the world figured out. Did ya know, Billy Corgan has got it figured out? That’s the word on the hill. But you know who doesn’t have it figured out, like, by a long shot? John Mayer. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you knew that. And ol’ Cueball is here to tell Mayer the error of his ways, which is generally what religious zealots do in these instances.
Corgan told Rolling Stone after reading Mayer’s controversial interviews that Mayer is trying to self-destruct.
“He’s trying to destroy his career… Rather than take a year off or change his musical direction… some part of it is irritating his soul to the point where he’s trying to blow it up. Certainly a talented guy, but empathetically, standing on the sidelines, it’s hard to watch someone literally burn their career to the ground — speaking as somebody who’s done it.”
Billy Corgan’s been there, John Mayer. You should heed his words of advice (oh god, please don’t). Because, duh, his career is totally back on track now. Truly (false). We can totally believe now that Corgan purposefully tried flushing his career down the toilet, because his soul was “irritated,” and not just because he naturally became musically irrelevant with each passing year. Yeah, that’s it (fuck, no, it’s not). We can already imagine you sitting there, taking ol’ Cueball’s words to heart (actually, yes, we can imagine that), and in a year you’re going to put out a record that’s going to blow our minds and make us forget all the terrible dumb shit you’ve said and done. It worked for Billy Corgan (no, it didn’t). That’s the true power of music. Believe, dude.
A2IM to FCC: Net Neutrality Now!
[Via Hypebot] The Association of American Independent Music (A2IM) has taken the lead in the fight for net neutrality as it filed a brief with ye olde FCC, bolstering the case for a fair, free and open internet. The FCC has been weighing the facts for a while now as it prepares to formulate new policy regarding the internet and how much control the dominating web-providing companies ought to be able to exert. The FCC’s choices will have broad, sweeping effects on the independent music scene’s ability to perpetuate itself in the new media marketplace, and so it remains crucial that the A2IM and other organizations continue to be as vocal as possible. “Without the benefit of an open Internet, we may very well end up with another set of gatekeepers that determine who gets to play and at what cost,” the statement maintains.
The open letter substantiates its position with some strong facts and stats, and is well worth a look-see for those keeping up with the issue. Hypebot posted the statement in its entirety, although you can also find the statement and a wealth of other information on A2IM’s own site.
Relive The Glory Days Of American Idiot With Green Day: Rock Band
by: James Greene Jr.
[via Joystiq]
June 8, 2010: the day Harmonix shall unleash the insanity that is Green Day: Rock Band upon this island we call Earth. A trailer was recently released for the game; watch below and gasp as Tré Cool’s obnoxious facial expressions come to life and leap right out of your computer screen!
Green Day: Rock Band will feature 47 delicious Green Day songs (all exportable, except on the Wii) and the same harmonizing deal thingy that made everyone cream their pants over Beatles: Rock Band. You can click the Joystiq link above to get all the pertinent platform pricing info. Surprise: this game will not be available for Turbografx 16.
Let the debate over Green Day’s relevance/video game worthiness begin.
by: James Greene Jr.
published: March 12, 2010
in column: Uncategorized
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