Working at a magazine, we come across thousands of press releases. Some are effective, some are not. Every year, we pick out some of our favorite quotes from the year’s press releases. Some are funny, some are ironic, some are sad indictments of the current music scene, and some just make no sense. While we are poking fun, we mean no harm… just trying to let you into the wacky world of PR.

“Hungry Ghost features two epic-length tracks [Note: Neither track is over 5:30].”
– Sophie Lux, Hungry Ghost

“When Perth five-piece heavy rock outfit Karnivool emerged in April 2005 with an album called Themata, two things were immediately obvious. One, here was a record that single-handedly set a new benchmark for heavy rock in this country and others for years to come. And two, Karnivool were going to be big. Really big.”
– Karnivool, Sound Awake

“The end result will no doubt have folks scrambling for descriptives, and in the midst of the relative chaos, Crippled Black Phoenix will be oblivious to it all. Think of the album as the moment when your life flashes before your eyes just before the inevitable conclusion.”
– Crippled Black Phoenix, 200 Tons of Bad Luck

“Connections through song is the mutual recognition between strangers.”
– Years, Years

“Cracker, the group that veritably introduced brash irreverence and irony into alt-rock, are back and in top form.”
– Cracker, Sunrise in the Land of Milk and Honey

“Taken within and without their context, bassist/vocalist Lucas Kendall’s words provoke thought…Random statements like, ‘Steven, you take the cake,’ ‘I talked to the older brother and basically, they don’t want to get involved in going to court,’ and ‘You think you need the yoga,’ will stick to your ribs long after the music fades.”
– Who Shot Hollywood?, Springtime in Greenland

“It’s an infectious and unpretentious sound telling quotidian tales of driving your life away, throwing your money away, playing the slots and twisting one up with your friends, and rich with a strain of populism that shimmies all the way back to Jimmie Rodgers, one that makes the holes in your roof and holes in your shoes all part of our common humanity.”
– Wayne Hancock, Viper of Melody

“When a new band drops, the most obvious questions is ‘who do they sound like.’ Upon hearing the debut work titled The Unveiling that questions becomes irrelevant and is replaced by ‘who will be the next Saint to Sinner.’”
– Saint to Sinner, The Unveiling

“Not since Bob Dylan’s ‘A Hard Rain’s A-Gonna Fall,’ ‘The Lonesome Ballad of Hattie Carroll’, and ‘Hurricane’ has an American songwriter captured a moment like the Krayolas hit ‘Corrido Twelve Heads in Bag.’”
– The Krayolas, Long Leaf Pine (No Smack Gum)

“Dubious Ranger is the sound of befuddled hipsters becoming Bowie-eyed party-commandos and dancing themselves to sleep while dreaming of a more perfect union between high-art, classical-virtuoso pretension and take-your-pants-off rock and/or roll.”
– Dubious Ranger, Uneasy Truce at the Watering Hole

“It goes without saying that staring at a prospective employer for 60 minutes is a foolproof plan for not landing a job. Unless said boss is David Byrne, in that case, awkward silences and nervous tics are par for the course.”
– Luaka Bop Records, Twenty First Century Twenty First Year

“2008 Highlights for the Wilkins:
‘Couldn’t Do Better’ is featured on the compilation CD Sounds Like Café Volume 23 released in Australia.”
– The Wilkins, No Expiry Date

“Sure, Black Keys songs are in Levi’s commercials, but Hamilton Loomis landed a part in a VH1 movie where he played opposite Gene Simmons.”
– Hamilton Loomis, Live In England

“Disgusted by the lack of heavy, psychedelic rock and roll, we deliver our deafening sermon to bring a new dawn to civilization…We are war, we are peace, we are time and space, we are infinite, we are Naam.”
– Naam, Kingdom

“The indescribable obviousness hinted at in the title is manifest throughout the long player.”
– Hoots and Hellmouth, The Holy Open Secret

“This is what two thousand years of evolution and the invention of electric instrumentation introduced into the tank of hook force can do to you.”
– Lightning Bolt, Earthly Delights

“Over 70 million music plays and 68 million profile views on Myspace. Nearly 56,000 followers on Twitter and well over 1 million Myspace friends. A reality TV show and signature make-up fragrance lines are in the works.”
–  Jeffree Star, Beauty Kills

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