Outrageous Cherry
Universal Malcontents
(Alive Naturalsound, 2009)

You know, my big gripe with all these albums that come out on Alive Naturalsound Records is that they seem to aspire to have a vintage 1960s underground vibe, yet the production is always cleaner than a Vancouver nursery. Where’s the dirt, the filth, the grime, the character? Why can’t I feel (or smell) the mud- and sweat-caked oriental throw rug sprawled out beneath the drummer’s kit? Why can’t I hear the bass player at all? The microphones all sound so gingerly placed, the levels laboriously pored over—I don’t understand the aversion to just plugging in and going for it. As it stands, the production on Universal Malcontents reminds me of wasted afternoons at Guitar Center, listening to slick hound dogs rock out on brand-spanking new gear they couldn’t possibly afford without a loan from their estranged fathers.

The musical landscape Outrageous Cherry whips up on this record is numb, relaxed, and kind of druggy. I imagine this is the kind of album that would sound beyond amazing if you got really doped up before throwing it on. It takes no effort to imagine eating three pounds of hash and feeling like I’m living inside the gooey marshmallow center of Universal Malcontents, marveling at indisputable truths like the fact that my teeth are “totally real, man.” The singer’s voice would then slide under me like a groovy flying carpet and soar me across a placid New England sky. Piano chords would transform into friendly birds, and our maker’s love would envelop me in guitar slather as sweet as honey. Oh man, it would be so beautiful, I just, I just… what’s the word for when you experience an orgasm and a seizure at the same time?

Unfortunately, I don’t habitually ingest hallucinogens, so I can’t tell you what it feels like when the female backup singer in Outrageous Cherry grows 60 feet tall and places me in her mouth for warmth. To the ears of the square sober, Universal Malcontents is just another breezy, banal effort from a band of Beatle-aspiring beatniks rolling around in whatever crumbs are left of the garage-rock revival pie. The material here lacks the texture of the earlier OC output I cross-referenced for this review, and the melodies are like silly putty—they simply don’t stick (although they are fun to play with and sometimes come encased in a red plastic egg). Of course, Universal Malcontents is Outrageous Cherry’s 13th release. When has the 13th anything been explosively good (lays and baseball games notwithstanding)? Slack could be cut. Besides, you never know about the next one. Exile on Main Street was the Stones’ 14th release.

Speaking of the Stones, Outrageous Cherry offer a cheeky rebuttal to one of that group’s biggest hits on Universal Malcontents. “It’s Not Rock N’ Roll (and I Don’t Like It)” exists solely, I believe, because the title is mildly amusing the first time you hear it. The song itself is kind of like baby puke smeared across the pleather interior of a Toyota Tercel on a humid August day, but that’s really neither here nor there. I’m always game for a musical rib-poking of this sort. That Mick Jagger really needs to be taken down a few pegs. Lads, might I suggest for your next album “I Can Get Plenty of Satisfaction, Thank You Very Much” or “White Flour” or perhaps even “Finish You Down?” Let’s take a lesson from Outrageous Cherry and all stick it to the decaying British superstars of yesteryear. Hey! You! Stay on my cloud! I invited you here, anyway!

Praise must also be specifically lavished upon Cherry frontman Matthew Smith for his remarkable ability to sing the line, “She walked into my mind and rearranged the furniture” on Malcontent’s opener “I Recognized Her” without sounding too corny or bong-addled. In the wrong hands, a lyric like that could do serious harm. Hats off to you, Mr. Smith. I wonder if said girl can do something about the jacket you’re wearing on the sleeve of Universal Malcontents that is apparently made of Twizzlers. Candy-based wardrobe decisions are almost always a wrong move, even if they do serve to underscore the outrageousness of your cherry. If you’ll allow me to be cheeky: That jacket is not rock ‘n’ roll (and I don’t like it).

Listen: Various Tracks [at myspace.com]

Tags: Outrageous Cherry, Universal Malcontents, Alive Naturalsound

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