At the exact time this installment of the Cheat Sheet is moved over to the archive, where it will live in perpetuity for all those who might someday wonder what exactly Kanye West was doing in October of 2008, the country will be in the midst of electing a new president. Politics isn’t my usual beat, obviously, but I’ve got to say, having spent so much of the past year reading, writing, talking, and even worrying about this election, it’s almost impossible to believe it’s actually going to happen. What will we office dwellers do all day if we’re no longer reading poll numbers or watching YouTube videos of hilarious gaffes from the campaign trail? We will figure it out, I suppose. I hope your candidate wins, assuming your candidate isn’t the one trying to convince the American people that the emotional and physical scars that came as a result of torture qualify him for anything other than a lifetime of intense psychotherapy.

This Month’s Most Notable News Stories

Bruce and Billy for Barack!
Billy Joel and Bruce Springsteen joined forces on October 16th for a Barack Obama benefit show at New York’s Hammerstein Ballroom, and while I don’t actually know any human beings who were able to afford a ticket, which ranged in price from shocking ($500) to absurd ($10,000), I sure do wish I’d been there. The guest list was comprised of super fancy rich people, mostly from the entertainment industry, and they were treated to a joint performance by the two awesome old dudes. Joel played a few songs by himself, and then invited the Boss and company out for “10th Avenue Freeze-Out.” And from that point on, they played together—a 90-minute set consisting of songs by both artists, including “Glory Days”, “Movin’ Out”, “Thunder Road”, “New York State of Mind”, and “Born to Run.” Sigh. Then Obama came on stage and called the evening “magical.” Double sigh.

Paul Westerberg and Tommy Stinson Play Together
Oh, here’s a question I’d like to have answered: Why didn’t anyone tell me this was happening, and, while we’re at it, why wasn’t I invited? For, as far as I’m aware, the first time since the Replacements broke up, earlier this month in Minneapolis, Paul Westerberg and Tommy Stinson got together to play some music, giving fans one more bit of hope that the band might some day get back together. The two were joined by Soul Asylum drummer Michael Bland, and while they didn’t record anything, Stinson seems positive they’ll do something more substantial in the near future, saying, “I’m sure we’re going to work together again.” Staying true to form, Westerberg was a bit more negative: “I’m very hesitant about dragging the name out there and what damage we could do to the legend. Whatever we did, someone would want something else. If I went up there straight, they’d want us wasted. If we were fucked up, they’d want us to be this or that.” Jesus fucking Christ, he is awesome.

My Morning Jacket Dude Falls Down, Goes Boom
During an October 7th performance in Iowa City, My Morning Jacket frontman Jim James was wondering around the stage, presumably shredding and/or getting lost in some borderline-hippie groove, as he is inclined to do from time to time, and as he went to put his foot up on a stage monitor (picture it… classic rockist guitar pose), he missed and stepped off the stage. He was taken to a local hospital and released the same night. Fortunately, the band didn’t have any shows scheduled for the next few weeks, so they didn’t have to cancel anything. Unfortunately, their last record is still one of the worst of the year.

Washed-Up, Homophobic ’80s Rock Icon Releases New Record
Here now is the portion of the Cheat Sheet where I act like I give a fuck about Guns N’ Roses. After more than a decade of delays and endless speculation, Axl Rose and whatever half-wits he has playing with him these days have announced that Chinese Democracy will finally be released on November 23rd. And yes, that’s a Sunday, rather than a Tuesday, and I cannot begin to understand the reasoning, but it has something to do with Best Buy’s corporate sales schedule and other totally uninteresting things.

Yorke and Bjork Duet… Which Is Awesome Because Their Names Rhyme
In news that set the internet ablaze a few weeks ago, Radiohead frontman Thom Yorke backed up crazy, adorable avant-pop starlet Bjork on her new single, “Nattura”, the proceeds from which will help fund a campaign to raise awareness of environmental issues in her native Iceland. The song is every bit as weird and awesome as you assume it is.

CMJ Music Marathon Takes Over New York City…  Sorta
As you’ve probably been reading about for the past two weeks, the annual CMJ Music Marathon was held in New York City from October 21st to the 25th. Thousands of bands and countless industry folks descended upon the city in hopes of becoming, or becoming aware of, the next wave of artists that will be talked about in the coming months. Standouts this year were the suddenly ubiquitous Vivian Girls, Crystal Stilts, the Muslims, Marnie Stern, and Passion Pit. For those paying only half-attention, it seemed like business as usual for the Marathon, with lots of drinking and tons of schmoozing, but for those who’ve been tuned in for decades, it was hard to ignore the fact that it was one of the weakest lineups in the history of the event. CMJ has been in a bit of a downward spiral in recent years, with the importance of college radio waning, and their foothold in the consumer magazine world all but disappearing, now that CMJ New Music Monthly is not even available at newsstands anymore. For whatever reason, the industry’s perception of CMJ and the Marathon in particular has taken a pretty severe hit, with relevant bands no longer willing to organize their touring schedules around it. The guiding wisdom appears to be “Why go to CMJ when South By Southwest is so much better?” And really, it’s hard to argue.

Bono to Write Op-Ed for The New York Times
So, as Billboard reports, there aren’t many details known just yet, but Bono has agreed to do a series of columns for The New York Times in 2009. One can only assume he’ll use the space to talk about his pet projects, namely AIDS research and government support for the millions of Africans who die of the disease every year. Assholes far and wide will roll their eyes at the news of a rock star being given even more of a platform, but as always, they will be wrong. Dude has made more money than you can even imagine making, and yet he still finds time to try saving the world. Aren’t there more worthy things for you to complain about all day? Like, I don’t know, how U2 should probably break up because they’ve become sorta crappy over the past few years?

Despite Having the Coolest Husband Ever, Beyonce Is a Tool
Like Garth Brooks and Christina Aguilera before her, Beyonce has recently announced that she’s adopted an alter-ego for her next record, I Am… Sasha Fierce. Ms. Fierce, says Beyonce, allows her to “take more risks,” which is totally idiotic, obviously. The record, due out on November 18th, is a two-disc affair, the first consisting of tracks aimed at a mainstream audience, and the second consisting of her standard R&B stuff. I assume I am not alone in being mega-confused here. Is her regular R&B stuff not already geared toward a mainstream audience?

The Killers and Coldplay Do Saturday Night Live
It’s been a huge year for SNL so far, with Tina Fey back on board doing her spot-on impersonation of Sarah Palin, but the musical guests have been notable of late as well. A few weeks ago, the Killers appeared on the show, with two miraculously self-important performances of admittedly outstanding tracks from their upcoming album. More than the songs themselves, though, one couldn’t help noticing singer Brandon Flowers’ jacket, which seemed to be made of an entire zoo’s worth of animals. Totally creepy.

Then, on Saturday, October 25th, Coldplay came to town and logged one of the strangest SNL performances ever. The host for the evening was Jon Hamm, better known as Don Draper from AMC’s Mad Men, though you wouldn’t necessarily even know it if you watched, since Coldplay was basically performing the whole time. They got to do three songs, plus another during the closing credits, which is pretty much unheard of.

Jennifer Hudson’s Mother, Brother, and Nephew Murdered
Things are generally kept pretty light around the Cheat Sheet offices, but this is some crazy, sad shit. Singer and actress Jennifer Hudson’s was dealt a huge blow on Friday, October 24th, when her mother and her brother were found shot to death in their Chicago homes, and her seven-year-old nephew was reported missing, then found dead in an abandoned car on Monday, October 27th. Hudson’s brother-in-law, William Balfour, is the primary suspect in the case.