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Them Crooked Vultures: Them Crooked Vultures

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Them Crooked VulturesThem Crooked Vultures
Them Crooked Vultures

(Interscope, 2009)

The debut album from hard rock supergroup Them Crooked Vultures is a fairly mediocre exercise until you take into consideration bassist John Paul Jones. It was probably no easy feat for the other two Vultures, Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme and Foo Fighter Dave Grohl, to record an album with a Revolutionary War hero who died precisely 217 years ago. That they could rouse any kind of performance from the long-expired sea captain is, in fact, nothing short of a miracle. Them Crooked Vultures deserve not only a Grammy but several major scientific awards for defying the laws of nature in such a bold, successful manner.

I have just been informed that the John Paul Jones in question is actually the bass player from English music legends Led Zeppelin. While that’s still quite a “get” for our pals Homme and Grohl (Zep’s Jones is known for his finicky nature), it saddens me to learn the space-time continuum has not actually been ruptured by Brody Dalle’s husband and the former drummer for Nirvana. Maybe next time, guys.

Regarding the actual music contained on Them Crooked Vultures, ’tis little more than a murky aural stew boasting the vague flavors of its highly pedigreed ingredients. Like Velvet Revolver and Chickenfoot before them, TCV remain so firmly rooted in a rote 1970s classic rock sound (a sound most commonly associated with, oh, I don’t know, Led Zeppelin and the Foo Fighters) that there is no way anyone who remembers Wolfman Jack or Lynda Carter will dislike them. By the same hand, the Vultures do so little to explore new ideas that there is no way anyone who has ever posted to 4chan or watched Glee will be excited by them. We’ve heard Homme and Grohl whip up thrilling music in the past. Is the influence of the mercurial Jones really that strong?

There are some killer riffs to be found here, like the wobbly one that holds up “Dead End Friends”, but the band’s insistence on staying in third gear tempo-wise makes the entire album seem to go on for an eternity. They could have shaved two minutes off nearly every track and still brought in nearly an hour’s worth of music. I guess sometimes when you “lock into a groove,” the “power of the rock” is too immense to stop from “enveloping your soul.” On a related note, there are a few percussion moments on Them Crooked Vultures that suggest someone was merely tapping on a bong with a pencil.

To be fair, the musicians themselves are in top form. Grohl’s drumming is crisp and precise. Homme’s voice alternates as usual between swaggering, dreamy, and paint-huffing creepy. In addition to his bass work, JP Jones throws out some keyboard dalliances that certainly liven up the proceedings. The recording and production, handled by the three men in question, was clearly done in a professional setting; if any screaming children or howling dogs were in attendance, they were expertly excised from the recording. The worst accusation you can level at Them Crooked Vultures concerns the songwriting—it’s boring, uninspired fart rock we’ve endured a trillion times before. You might as well be pouring molasses in my ear.

Most of the song titles on this record are equally eye-rolling. “Mind Eraser, No Chaser.” “Interlude with Ludes.” “Caligulove.” Who came up with these, the LSD-addled bum who lives in the dumpster behind the Hy-Vee on Route 12? If so, his name is Gene and he needs his diabetes medicine. Please make sure he gets it. We don’t want a repeat of last Christmas.

As far as vanity projects go, Them Crooked Vultures isn’t nearly as painful or offensive as Russell Crowe’s band or any of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s musical releases. Still, for a record boasting such major league talent, TCV is painfully and offensively dull. Sammy Hagar’s wretched cover of “Fight for Your Right” was more inspired and daring than anything here. Perhaps next time the Vultures should try to hire a several centuries dead historical figure to participate in their album. Then they’d at least have an interesting angle (and a potential Ghost Hunters tie-in!).

Listen: Various Tracks [at myspace.com]

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published: November 19, 2009 in column: Reviews

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Jens Lekman: “If You Ever Need a Stranger…”

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Illustration by Thom GlickJens Lekman believes in more than the power of love. He believes in the power of love songs. On his plaintive ballad, “If You Ever Need a Stranger (To Sing at Your Wedding)”, he eagerly professes to knowing “every song, you name it, by Bacharach and David / Every stupid love song that’s ever touched your heart” and trusts in the shimmering promise that permeates pop music eternity; in other words, the ever-looming narrative of boy meeting girl to be wed forever in Brill Building marital bliss.

Sure, such notions are beyond quaint, naïve, and rigidly heteronormative. The ’60s weren’t all happy-go-lucky, “Going to the Chapel”, wedding bell-laden sha-la-las. Anyone who watches Mad Men knows this. But, that’s no matter to Jens. He probably knows the falsity of his ideals. He does call such love songs stupid after all. The notion of finding one true love, one lone person to satisfy all needs—emotional, intellectual, and physical—through all life’s crazy transitions from now to eternity is ever the unrealistic one. And, as heard later on, he doesn’t deny their danger in making one feel entirely isolated and painfully alone (we’ll get to that in a bit).

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published: November 17, 2009 in column: Lyrical Communique

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Opening Act Boos

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Illustration by Tanith ConnollyMy nearest civic auditorium belonged to another town. I was lucky enough to play to a packed house there before I turned 13. Unfortunately, I played bad trombone, or as my mom liked to call it, second trombone (there were only two of us). Hosting bad music events is the duty and function of every town’s civic auditorium. Fortunately, rock concerts regularly come through to smudge the place with smoke, Fresnels, and big loud music. So the civic auditorium I stunk up with some spitty tromboning (amongst an otherwise fine ensemble) was also the place where I saw my first real rock concert. I was a child and the band was Rush—this is as close as I will ever get to explaining why I act like a kid whenever I hear a Rush song.

Like many concertgoers, the first thing I did when I entered the venue was check out the gear on stage. As a guitar player, I can say with great authority that on stage, the drums remain the most intriguing instrument to look at. Of course, it is rare that guitars are even visible before the show, and, well, you see one Marshall stack, you’ve pretty much seen them all. Of all the drum kits on all the concert stages over the history of rock music, Rush drummer Neil Peart’s kits are perhaps consistently the most intriguing (even the pink one). To be fair, Stewart Copeland, Billy Cobham, the late Keith Moon, and Danny Carey (Tool), are close seconds.

So thanks to festival seating and my mom dropping me off three hours before the concert started, I was able to run right to the front of the stage to see Mr. Peart’s drums. The only problem was someone else’s drums were in the way.

There, shoved up against Peart’s riser, was another double bass kit blocking my view. Thankfully, I could still make out the tops of the orchestral bells standing tall on my horizon like neatly ordered silver prog Alps. This confirmed that I was at the right civic auditorium on the right night (I guess the plethora of Rush t-shirts and mullets would have been my second and third clues). The drums in the way belonged to one Andy Parker, drummer for the influential British metal band UFO. So while Rush was my very first rock concert, UFO was the first band I saw at my first rock concert. As openers go, we were lucky that night, let me tell you. In fact, UFO was on the cusp of headlining themselves had their lead guitarist virtuoso nutlog Michael Schenker not gone rogue on them. Pity, that. It remains the best opener I have ever witnessed.

Being an opening act is like having an incredibly hot date with someone who clearly has an STD.  Okay, maybe not.

Being an opening act is like being the annoying, younger sibling accompanying your incredibly hot date with or without an STD—closer, but not quite.

Being an opening act is like getting a free trip to an amazing travel destination only to realize you can’t leave the airport and the locals want nothing to do with you—nailed it!

Occasionally, openers can blow your mind and in some rare instances steal the thunder from the headliner—though a brief chat between band manager and sound engineer can often put the kybosh on the latter. More often, if an opener is memorable, it is because they were awful or you pitied them.

Awful: AC/DC Highway to Hell Tour (five months before singer Bon Scott would choke to death on his own vomit). The opener was a prancing new wave band with bad makeup—the singer kind of looked like Johnny Cougar in drag—they did two and a half songs (one and a half too many) and they barely escaped with their lives. They were good dodgers though…

Pity: Peter Gabriel tours the US so infrequently and has such an amazing body of work he should have long ago accepted the mantle of “an evening with” instead of giving his fans a measly 90 minutes of brilliant music and an excellent opener you are guaranteed to have never heard of.  On his shed (amphitheater) tour of a few years ago, he brought with him a beautiful world music band from a struggling country with bad infrastructure. For the band (whose name I sadly do not remember), it was the opportunity of a lifetime. But being the opening act on a summer amphitheater tour means you hit the stage in broad daylight while loud Americans carrying nachos and large plastic cups of beer find their seats. So there I was watching these colorfully dressed musicians play folk instruments from their country while their beautiful and exotic female singer tried to get the small clots of crowd to set down their two beers each and clap in 5/4 (clap, clap, clap, [break] clap-clap). Redemption came when the band returned to the stage to join in the joyful “In Your Eyes” encore.

At the level of Peter Gabriel and AC/DC (there’s a double bill for you…), the job of opening act is a fine one in spite of any harsh reactions or pity claps you get while on stage. Hey, you’re on stage, playing music. Isn’t that 80 percent of the dream? (The rest is legal fees and gear problems.)

Where opening acts really pay a heady price for their visions of paradise (thank you Mr. P.) is at the working musician level where the stages are far smaller, the crews far surlier, and in some instances, the headlining act has kissed fame briefly and gotten drunk from the smooch. These are the kind of gigs where you have to sit the drummer down and tell him to leave 35 percent of his kit in the van if he wants his bandmates to join him onstage. It is also where you have a choice of no sound check or a sound check while the crowd is filing in. This choice is not as easy as it sounds—while a fast sound check in front of a few hundred people is not that bad, the soundman already hates you because you’re there and now you want him to do his job? I have suffered the consequences of choosing poorly in these instances. The punishment is usually a combination of no guitar or bass in the mix, no monitors for the singer, and half of the PA being turned off during your set.

I have seen countless others suffer the same fate. The most recent encounter was just a few weeks ago when I went to see, as a headliner on the club circuit, the first band I saw as an opener—UFO. As I sat in judgment while watching UFO’s opening act, who were truly dreadful on so many levels, I saw them gleefully commit all the offenses that make soundmen, headliners, and house crews hate opening acts. While their set was quite bad from a rock ‘n’ roll point of view, it was quite good as a tutorial on what not to do to survive the opening slot intact.

For example: If you, the lead singer, are going to drink on stage, make sure you know your band’s gear from the headliner’s gear so you do not struggle with the many choices of where to set your beer down.

Headgear is strictly forbidden (Lady Gaga notwithstanding). Don’t blame me, blame Slash and Buckethead.

Contrary to what you’ve learned on VH1’s Behind the Music and those horrible rock ‘n’ roll schools where you meet drug-addled has-beens with tax problems, never pretend you are playing to a full house when everyone in the room knows you are not. In fact, if the audience to band member ratio is 4:1 or less, ask them their names, thank them kindly, and do not yell anything about having a good time.

That loud squeal you hear is from you pointing the mic at the monitors. STOP IT!

Just walk on stage like everybody else, okay? If your singer mentions the words “make an entrance,” hit him really hard (probably not in the face, but I’ll leave that up to you).

Do not act proud when your girlfriend disappears for 15 minutes or more with a member of the headlining band or someone from their crew. But when she returns, go ahead, kiss her fully on the mouth—I dare ya.

It doesn’t matter that your guitarist is Asian, Samurai headbands look totally lame unless you’re being ironic, sardonic, or Rudy Sarzo from Quiet Riot circa 1983.

Unless you are illiterate and prepared to talk about your plight in between songs, never ever say, “Thank you, Crowd!”

Admittedly, I give opening acts a few extra claps and whistles if they do not suck because too often they are in a no-win situation—there in the name of destiny and no control over any of it except in how they respond to the challenge. (Hopefully with grace under pressure, eh?) If they sound like crap, it may not necessarily be their fault. When it is, it’s usually pretty obvious. And if I got the call to open for someone coming through town—I’d take it in a second. Think of the exposure!

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published: November 15, 2009 in column: Riot Gear!

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Alex Chilton: 1975-1981

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Alex Chilton: Promo PhotoIn early 1979, Alex Chilton formed the Panther Burns with Tav Falco. Chilton was nearly a decade removed from his stint as lead singer in the Top 40 band the Box Tops and almost five years from his last recordings with Big Star, the pop band whose work had sparked a legion of dedicated followers. Over those five years, Chilton had begun his definitive move away from everything he’d done before. He made two solo records that had grown deliberately more simple and primal, crossing rockabilly with outrage, and he’d then moved himself behind the scenes to produce the first singles of the band the Cramps, rockabilly revolutionaries of an even more primitive sort. With his next project, the Panther Burns, Chilton found his least refined band to date and again pushed himself seemingly out of the spotlight, this time in the role of the guitar sideman. Yet he appeared to still have a great hand in the band’s direction. The Panther Burns had started almost as an art project, but a year later they had evolved into a rock ‘n’ roll dance band. They were like no other dance band around.

Jim Duckworth, a jazz guitarist who would soon join the band on drums, saw them for the first time in December 1980. “I’m walking down the street, I’m not even at the club yet,” Duckworth says, “and all I can hear—they’re on stage playing, and it’s in between numbers—but all I could hear was this shrieking, screaming feedback. Not your Jeff Beck-style feedback… more the guitar’s too close to an overpowered amp, shrieking feedback. It was that Metal Machine Music [Lou Reed’s 1975 experiment-in-noise record] on crack sort of thing… They had a synthesizer player. He had no conception of what they were doing. He played between tunes, during the tunes; it was all the same to him. They were doing this back-to-basics roots-rock thing and it was hilarious. It was the funniest fuckin’ show you ever saw. It was loose and it was raw and it really worked. When those guys were on, it was a beautiful thing.” read more

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published: November 12, 2009 in column: Feature Story

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Hyperstory: Hyperstory

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Review_Hyperstory-LargeHyperstory
Hyperstory

(Pureland, 2009)

If you Google the name of C. Scott Blevins—the songwriter, guitarist, and producer who records as Hyperstory, you won’t find very much at all. Most sites merely paraphrase, or print verbatim, the four paragraphs of the press release that accompanies his self-titled debut. What is known is that Blevins lives in Los Angeles and has a far-reaching musical vision that’s hard to pin down. Almost 30 musicians, including a full horn section, female backing vocalists, acoustic and electric bassists, drummers, keyboard players, and a pedal steel guitar whiz, contribute to the soundscapes on Hyperstory, but there’s not a single cluttered note.

The album opens with a prelude of blue synthesizer notes and the sound of a crowd mixed down and processed to provide a ghostly ambience before moving into “A Happening”, a metaphysical soul song with a slightly Eastern European feel. Guest vocalist Julian Cassia’s whispered vocal and a laid-back funk backbeat produce a dislocated feel that complements the confusion of the lyric. Halfway through, a chorus of children’s voices come in singing random “la la la”s, adding to the peculiar ambience. “Something Good” opens with a drum beat and trebly guitar that wouldn’t be out of place on a surf tune, but morphs into a Philly soul style thing with Cassia’s high tenor suggesting a mix of the Stylistics and early ’80s British synth-driven R&B without sounding overly derivative. The lyric balances the desire for satisfaction with the ominous knowledge of ultimate loss and limitation.

“Mandate” drops more weirdness into the mix; a ranting street preacher—again, mixed down and processed—is complemented by a synthesizer’s hiss and the ambient sound of a late night street corner. “Will It Ever Change” is an achingly beautiful torch song with a delicate, chiming guitar pulse and another disconsolate vocal from Cassia. Wailing, wordless, gospel-drenched female vocals weave in and around an indigo horn chart that slowly grows in volume and intensity as the tune comes to a climax. “Ascension” is the trippiest track, an instrumental that conflates Memphis soul, German prog-rock, and Blaxploitation wah-wah guitars. “A Reckoning” moves back into existential angst with Cassia crooning about the impossibility of ever knowing anything for certain. It rides a somnambulant Motown-ish beat and resolves with another big new wave-y chorus that’s catchy as hell and provides a big, if perhaps unsatisfying, release—emotionally that is. Musically, it’s the album’s biggest release, as it builds and builds to a dizzying conclusion. “End Story” tops the record off with a blue electric piano, a bit of devil-may-care whistling, and jazzy horn orchestrations with a touch of Bacharach.

Hyperstory is cinematic in style, with expansive arrangements that suggest the soundtrack for a moody, urban musical. The overall sound is smooth and seductive, and while it implies quiet storm soul, chill room electronica, and trip-hop, it doesn’t fit easily into any of those genres. The songwriting is old-fashioned, producing strongly constructed tunes with solid, catchy choruses and instrumental hooks that make every tune sound like a hit. The instrumental interludes are ambient portraits that evoke bustling nighttime streets and mysterious back alleys. Blevins seamlessly blends real instruments with loops and samples. It’s hard to distinguish between the real and sampled sounds, and the result always sounds organic. The dreamy, soulful vocals of Cassia, who has a subtle delivery that slowly wins you over with its understated emotion, hold it all together.

Listen: Various Tracks [at myspace.com]

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published: November 10, 2009 in column: Reviews

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Williamsburg: Amazing Baby vs. Savoir Adore

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Courtesy of Amazing BabyPsychedelic indie act Amazing Baby has been in existence for less than two years. In that time, they’ve signed a record deal, filmed a video with naked hipster babes, rode a giant wave of blog hype, and partied with Bill Murray, who saw one of their shows and recruited them to help him find the fountain of youth.

Savoir Adore, meanwhile, arrived on the scene with just as much talent but far less razzle-dazzle. Though, like Amazing Baby, they hail from that mecca of artsy privilege, Williamsburg, Brooklyn, their irrepressibly giddy, pure pop tunes haven’t set the buzz machine in motion for some reason. While plenty of folks have fallen for their album In the Wooded Forest, the Fader profiles, groupies, and movie star camaraderie have been slow in coming.

Both groups have benefited from ties to MGMT, the psych-rock outfit that found worldwide success last year. Savoir Adore signed with Cantora, the indie label that released MGMT’s 2005 Time to Pretend EP, while Amazing Baby’s guitarist Simon O’Connor palled around with MGMT’s Andrew VanWyngarden and Ben Goldwasser at Wesleyan College, itself something of an indie music farm system.

O’Connor and Amazing Baby’s other founding member, lead singer Will Roan, met each other after their college bands were booked together for a New York show. “I think I was hooking up with the same girl at the same time as someone in Simon’s band,” says Roan, adding that he’s fairly certain it wasn’t O’Connor.

They played a number of shows together, and after O’Connor graduated, he moved into a pad in Brooklyn, where Roan would crash whenever he came down for the weekend during his final year at Bard College. The pair began collaborating on various band projects and later worked together in a music distribution office, where their duties included crafting ringtones. In 2008, they formed Amazing Baby, focusing on a studio-centric sound that included layer upon layer of percussion, guitar, and keyboards. Their live shows, meanwhile, featured as many as 10 people on stage at a time, and early praise for the group was swift and unequivocal. “I think people liked the spectacle of this crazy band,” Roan says. Eventually, the lineup was rounded out with bassist Don Devore, guitarist Rob Laakso, and drummer Matt Abeysekera.

After releasing an EP called Infinite Fucking Cross last summer, they were pursued by a number of labels and ultimately signed with Shangri-La, who put out their full-length debut, Rewild, in June. Many of the reviews focused on the album’s seemingly hallucinogenic-powered prog, psych, and goth rock, as well as the group’s hipster aesthetic. Some of this had to do with their video for Rewild track “Headdress”, which featured topless girls, wearing paint and capes, prancing around in the woods.

Then there was the encounter with Bill Murray, who dropped in on their 2008 Halloween show wearing a rubber mask with black glasses. He and Roan hung out all night long, attending a house party, smoking cigarettes on a roof, and drinking bourbon on a friend’s couch. Notes Roan: “It’s one of the few stories I can tell where my mom is jealous.”

Savoir Adore’s story is far less flashy. Principal members Paul Hammer and Deidre Muro met while students at NYU, where Hammer played in a group catering to “sorority girls,” he says. Both possessing musical backgrounds, they decided to play a show together and then later conceived an album almost spontaneously. While on a train ride to visit Hammer’s parents at their home in a bucolic section of Holmes, New York, Hammer and Muro brainstormed the plot for what would become their first EP, The Adventures of Mr. Pumpernickel and the Girl with Animals in Her Throat. A concept record focusing on a professor and his meetings with a troubled student and a fairy who lives among the trees, it showcased the pair’s great talents for collaboration. Taking turns on vocals and instruments, they introduced the harmony-heavy, ever-sincere fantasy pop that would become their signature sound.

They return regularly to Holmes, where Hammer’s father Jan—a jazz and rock Courtesy of Savoir Adorekeyboardist who was enormously popular in the ’70s and ’80s and crafted the Miami Vice theme song—has a studio. Savoir Adore recorded In the Wooded Forest there, trading off on guitar, drums, and bass for hours at Hammer’s studio, which actually is ensconced in the middle of a wooded forest. While successfully employing a sound that suits their strengths, the full-length lacks a unified storyline like their EP, but boasts more fleshed-out tracks. At times, the preciousness can be a bit overwhelming, but songs on the album like “MERP” and “Early Bird” are as euphoric and hummable as anything to come out of Williamsburg this past year.

Their work seems not to contain an ounce of pretension. Savoir Adore certainly isn’t trying to impress anyone with their cool, and their seeming lack of self-consciousness is responsible for much of their appeal.

Amazing Baby also developed much of their music during long jam sessions. While employed at the music distribution company, they spent their evenings making music until the wee hours, allowing themselves only as much sleep as was absolutely necessary. Their goals were somewhat different from Savoir Adore’s, however. Roan told Spin that they were “desperate to convey a feeling of ecstasy.” Indeed, almost every one of their tracks is epic, or at least strives to be epic. While they often succeed in this regard—songs like “Kankra” and “Pump Your Brakes” are full, bombastic, and satisfying—it often feels like they’re breaking off more than they can chew. Much of Rewild lags, bogged down by excessive instrumental wankery and semi-pretentious lyrics that are difficult to wrap one’s mind around. (“We are starving cannibals / She protects her animals,” from “Smoke Bros”, has been particularly derided.)

With only one album each to judge them on, one could make a pretty good case that both Amazing Baby and Savoir Adore have the potential for long, gratifying careers. For the time being, however, the latter act’s less pretentious way of conducting business has led to a more satisfying catalog.

Listen: Amazing Baby, Various Tracks [at myspace.com]

Listen: Savoir Adore, Various Tracks [at myspace.com]

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published: November 9, 2009 in column: The Switchback

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Stop Rock and Roll: How the Drags Blew Clean Up

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The Drags: Courtesy of Empty RecordsThe 3B Tavern, Bellingham, Washington, 1995. The bar is packed well past capacity with a sea of sweat-drenched bodies. 1950s monster-movie posters decorate the walls around them. CJ Stritzel, just over six feet tall with large shoulders, a narrow figure, and thick, black-framed glasses, stands on stage. He’s wearing a dark, short-sleeve button-down shirt, which, like everyone else’s in the bar, is soaked in sweat. He’s banging away at his guitar with a fluidity that makes it look like a fifth limb. There’s a lot of noise coming out of the amplifier behind him. It sounds like barks, or explosions, nuggets of an emotional hailstorm. Red-painted flames light up the wall behind him, as though they’re coming directly from the amplifier. His face is a snapshot of concentration. It’s hard work to get those sounds.

On the other side of the stage, Lorca Wood looks down over her bass guitar. She’s wearing a black t-shirt with the sleeves torn off. Blonde streaks mix in with the black hair matted down wet against her forehead. She, too, is locked in concentration on the riff she plays, one every rock ‘n’ roll fan recognizes but can’t name; in her hands, it sounds like a rolling thunder. Keith Herrera sits at the drum kit behind both of them. His kit is small, just a snare drum, bass drum, floor tom, and cymbal—and he probably can hardly see it behind the sunglasses he wears—but he’s getting the most out of each of them, his hands a blur. He, too, is drenched in sweat.

Some 300 people are on the floor of the club in front of them. A few are slam-dancing into each other—after all, some of them use the term “punk rock” to describe the music the band is playing. The rest are dancing in place or standing transfixed, heads bobbing, feet tapping, and sweating. From the back of the room, they make a unified mass, like a hyper-ventilating body moving together in time to the song.

Stritzel hits a chord and lets it ring out and feed back. He grabs the microphone and falls to his knees, torso bent over his guitar, which rests in his lap. He sings, “There’s lots of ways to go / What’s the most appealing? / I could tie a rope around my neck / Swing from the ceiling / I could take a bunch of pills / Get real gone / I could take a bath with the radio on.” Then he hits his guitar again as Wood and Herrera transition with him, and the song explodes into its chorus. “I like to die,” he sings, and repeats until it appears he can’t go on any longer.

The band is called the Drags, and they leave the stage to a storm of clapping, whistling, and shouting. If they had 30 diehard fans before the show began, they’ve just multiplied it by 10. The event is Garage Shock, an annual, four-night festival put together by Estrus Records that brings together the best garage-rock bands the world over—from France, from Brazil, from Tokyo, from Opelika, Alabama. The Drags are smack dab in the middle of the bill, the third of five bands on Saturday night. They have just staked out their own piece of garage turf, establishing themselves as one of the premier bands the genre has to offer. In two years, they’ll headline opening night of the same event, having just released their second record; in four years, they’ll release their third record, filled with sounds and instruments never before heard in the garage-rock genre. In five, they’ll be playing in a bedroom filled with a sampler, three cellos, and an oboe, among other instruments, in a ramshackle Victorian 30 miles outside of Nowhere, California. And in six, they will have taken their music, packed it in a closet, and closed up shop for good.

The story of their rise and fall runs in tandem with the rise and fall of that era’s garage scene altogether. It explodes with flair and passion, and then it crashes and burns, and dies away, hardly to be heard from ever again.

CJ Stritzel grew up in Tucson, Arizona, a city one local calls “a retirement community with a university, no money, and no jobs.” In the early ’90s, he left his hometown for the next city east. In the endless empty stretch of land that is America’s Southwest, he drove from one desert outpost to another and landed in Albuquerque, New Mexico, a town often referred to as “dead,” or, more poetically, by a former resident as “everything you’d imagine and less.” Stritzel came to go to the university there, but he really came to form a band, and when that happened, he quit school altogether, 173 school credits, or about two years’ worth of classes, later.

Lorca Wood grew up in Oklahoma City. She, too, came to Albuquerque for school—in her case, to study art. On her first day in town, she says, “I pulled into Walgreen’s and there was a fight. One guy had a pick axe and the other guy had a baseball bat. That’s Albuquerque.” It’s a town where people will kill your dog to keep him quiet after they’ve broken into your house to steal money to feed their heroin habit, where visiting bands get their gear stolen or get jumped if they walk down the wrong alley at the wrong hour. In the film No Country for Old Men, the shootout scene between the heartless killer played by Javier Bardem and the common man-turned-renegade played by Josh Brolin was shot on Albuquerque’s main drag. In the early morning darkness, the street is dark and desolate, and both of their lives are one wrong move from death. As one future band member tells me, “Every person you run into is talking about how they’re trying to get out of there.” New Mexico’s state slogan is the Land of Enchantment. Albuquerque was known as the Land of Entrapment.

Wood first met Stritzel in 1992, when he and a mutual friend, a drummer, told her they were forming a band. On a lark, she told them she was a bass player, even though she wasn’t. “I played the cello,” she says. “I didn’t own a bass. Had never picked one up in fact.”

“The first time she played it was kind of weird,” Stritzel says. When she picked up the bass, she said, “You hold it this way then, I guess.” “I thought that was really cool,” he says. It makes sense. At that time, he was trying to unlearn how to play the guitar. “He’d say he was so envious of how I played,” Wood says. “He’d been playing guitar for a long time, and he felt he was too good. He longed to go back to this place where it wasn’t how technically good you were, but that you had this spirit, this rawness. He made a concerted effort to recreate that.”

They called the band the Swizzle Sticks. Stritzel describes their initial effort as “a cut-rate Sonic Youth.” But the more they practiced, the more their tastes were refined. “As we started doing it, the thing that turned us on was playing more repetitive and for not that long a time,” he says. What began to emerge was their lo-fi interpretation of ’60s garage rock. This change didn’t please their mutual friend much, and the two of them soon found themselves without a drummer. It wouldn’t be the last time. But in a college town, no band need be without one for long, and soon Keith Herrera, who’d just left the band Big Damn Crazy Weight, joined up.

Herrera was Albuquerque’s man about town. At the time, Big Damn Crazy Weight was the city’s musical success story. They’d released a single on Sub Pop Records, the birthplace of grunge and the biggest independent record label in the country. The band was more metal than the Seattle sound the label would become famous for, mixing into their music Albuquerque’s dark interior. Herrera owned the record label Resin Records. He booked bands. He knew everybody in town and everybody in town knew him. When the Swizzle Sticks decided to take their act public, all the locals knew about it.

The band’s first show was on election night of 1992, the year grunge entered the mainstream as one of its purveyors, Mudhoney, left Sub Pop and released their first record on a major label; the year Nirvana’s Nevermind hit #1 on the Billboard charts; the year the little world of independent music became big business. The show was at the Golden West Saloon, one of Albuquerque’s two main music venues. Not much remains from that show. Not the band name—they soon became known as the Drags, after another band informed them that the name the Swizzle Sticks was already taken; not the memories of it for any of them, save for the nerves beforehand; and not even the club, which burned down last year due to the spontaneous combustion of rags bathed in linseed oil. Fires, it would appear later, seemed to follow the garage scene wherever it went.

The Drags began to play out regularly, and this helped refine Stritzel’s songwriting. “I saw that other stuff didn’t get to the back row in the same way that something really simple did.” They decided they were ready to release a single. When Albuquerque bands needed to record, they went to Gary Hansen’s house in the South Valley. Hansen was the soundman for the Golden West Saloon, and he recorded everyone, from the Drags to the Sammy Hagar cover band. He was in a heavy metal band called Scary Hansen and all the equipment in his house had “Scary Hansen” stenciled on it. His was a home only a musician could love. The mixing board was in the kitchen, the PA stacks were in the living room, and the microphones were in the bathtub. “To this day,” Herrera says, “I have no idea where that guy showered, or if he even showered.”

“I Like to Die” came out on Herrera’s record label. It begins with a primitively plucky Cramps-sounding guitar, and, as Tim Kerr—the leader of the garage bands Jack O’Fire and the Lord High Fixers—later would tell Stritzel when describing his own songs, it was about “cool shit, like death.” It would become the Drags’ show-stopper for the next few years. “We were really fascinated with the line between fun and funny,” Stritzel says. “I wanted to be—it’s not a fuckin’ joke, but at the same time it should be humorous. ‘I Like to Die’ is a good example of that lyrically. It’s funny, but it’s not.”

The band’s shows were the same way. They were full of wild, manic energy. Stritzel would run around the stage like a patient who’d just escaped from the psych ward. He’d spit into the air and catch it. He’d alternately entertain and berate the audience with a barely controlled rap. He’d attack his guitar with a fury that came out of the amplifier sounding primitive and impassioned. One night, the band might show up as dead people, drenched in blood and with faces painted a ghostly white. The next night, they might be in country and western garb. They’d learn new covers for every set—the Pretty Things’ “Rosalyn”, early Fleetwood Mac’s “Somebody’s Gonna Get Their Head Kicked in Tonight.” No two shows were ever the same. “We tried to do as much as we could every night,” Stritzel says. “There are some bands you see and you know they’re never going to be bad. They’re going to sound pretty much like this every night. That really scared me. I knew that if you were never willing to risk being totally shitty and totally suck, you were never going to be really great either. That always struck me. You have to be able to risk being awful.”

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published: November 9, 2009 in column: Feature Story

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The Vandals: Peace Thru Vandalism

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Vandals: Peace Thru VandalismThe Vandals
Peace Thru Vandalism
(Epitaph, 1982)

The story of how I came into possession of my original vinyl copy of Peace Thru Vandalism is perhaps the most interesting record acquisition story of my stupid white life. My friend Drew’s aunt met and started dating this guy from Texas on the internet. Texas Guy came to visit her in Florida (where we all lived at the time) and brought, like, nearly everything he owned. It was kind of a fishy deal. Suspicious, Drew’s aunt hired a private investigator, and it was quickly discovered that Mr. Right (Now) was wanted in his home state for, among other things, possession of child pornography. She confronted Master Criminal and he hightailed it outta her house so fast he ended up leaving the majority of his worldly possessions behind. Amongst the crap this gross dude had were some punk records, so Drew, knowing I was into that kind of thing, called me up.

”I think there are some bands here you like. Come take what you want.”

Come take I did, although not without some trepidation. This stuff had been in the hands of a kiddie porn enthusiast. I almost became nauseous just being in the same room as his stuff. Yet how could I ignore Peace Thru Vandalism, a record that by all outward appearances could have been a hilarious fictional creation used to service the plot of some forgotten 1980s sitcom? Oh no, the kids on Charles in Charge are getting into this wild rock band the Vandals, who sing songs like “Pirate’s Life” and “Anarchy Burger (Hold the Government)!” That latter entry was an endless source of amusement long before I managed to even hear the song once (I didn’t have a turntable at the time and wouldn’t get one for at least six months). It really didn’t even matter, though, if the damn tune was genius or hog shit. Anarchy burger? Hold the government? I’m smiling right now as I type this. There simply cannot be a more stereotypical suburban gutter punk rock song title from the decade when Eddie Murphy was still a hit.

“Anarchy Burger” did not disappoint when it finally assaulted my ears. The raucous two-minute explosion is Peace Thru Vandalism’s true diamond, a wild tribal punk pounding that boasts deliciously inept riffing and comically offensive lyrics delivered in a balls-to-the-wall caterwaul by stocky singer Steve Jensen (the original Stevo). Was SoCal punk ever more cringe-inducing than the opening lines of this song?

“Anarchy, kill a cat! / Shoot James Brady in the back! / Raise an army of rabid rats! / Beat your neighbor with a bat!”

That still stings, and I was only two years old when Reagan was shot.

Years later, “Anarchy Burger” would make an appearance in the most unlikely of places —the 2002 Vin Diesel film xXx. Amidst all the gratuitous explosions, corny one-liners, and Dario Argento’s hot-ass daughter was a scene in which Mr. Diesel and a swarthy piece of Euro Trash trade off lines from the most beloved song in the Vandals’ pre-Dave Quackenbush catalog. Just when you think something’s sacred, the guy from The Chronicles of Riddick comes along and fucks everything up.

But lo, there are five other trashy delights on this Vandals EP, all nearly as much fun as that final shit-kicker. “Wanna Be Manor” utilizes a dark chord progression and a slow increase in tempo to tell a scary tale of not-entirely-voluntary same sexcapades. “Urban Struggle” playfully imitates Morricone’s famous overture from The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly before dealing with Stevo’s punk vs. cowboy identity crisis. “Pirate’s Life” unravels a memorable drug-heavy trip to Disneyland in which the line between reality and Pirates of the Caribbean becomes dangerously blurred (dig that sea shanty breakdown!). I suppose I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention “The Legend of Pat Brown”, a musical tribute to a notoriously drunken friend of the Vandals. That’s one of the few songs from this record that the Vandals still perform today in the version of the band that features original Vandals drummer/recreational bullfighter/former entertainment lawyer Joe Escalante on bass, percussive all-star Josh Freese on the skins, Oingo Boingo graduate Warren Fitzgerald on guitar, and the aforementioned Quackenbush on vocals.

I know what you’re thinking. Gee, a punk band that kept going with only one original member? I’m sure no one had a problem with that! To quote Kevin Spacey as heinous Superman foe Lex Luthor, WRON-GUH! According to founding Vandal axe man Jan Nils Ackermann and the late Jensen (who passed away in 2005), lil’ Joe Escalante falsely credited all the early Vandals tunes to himself circa 1990 and used his legal prowess throughout the decade to keep his one-time dudemeisters from getting any piece of the financial pie. Escalante’s side of the story is that his former band mates agreed to give up their stake in the band so they could play a reunion show as some kind of alternate universe Vandals featuring more than one original member. Not surprisingly, legal mud began flying all over the place; an undisclosed settlement eventually allowed Escalante to retain control of the Vandals catalog while songwriting credits reverted back to the whole group. Moral of this story: There is no such thing as punk brotherhood.

Thankfully, Peace Thru Vandalism lives on in the era of Fake Shemp Vandals Endorsed By Thick-Tongued Action Stars. This record—which today can most easily be found packaged with the band’s sophomore outing When in Rome Do as the Vandals—exists as a relic from a simpler time, a time when none of the Vandals could ever imagine being popular enough to play for US troops overseas (which they did) or the influence of their miniscule label Epitaph Records growing large enough to convince acid-throated troubadour Tom Waits to sign up for distribution (also true). There were no corporate sponsorship deals, precious Warped Tour slots, royalty checks, or Vin Diesel action movies to be lost back in those wild frontier days of 1982. With nothing at stake, the Vandals could be as crude and crazy and reckless as possible; no cow was too sacred (as evidenced by their vile, disgusting cover of Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel”). Thus, Peace Thru Vandalism slaughtered as many heifers as it saw, serving up tasty/tasteless Anarchy Burgers to anyone hungry/crazy enough to join the party.

Yet as lowbrow as the original Vandals could be, there’s no arguing with their basic logic. To wit, the very line sold to xXx for some ungodly amount of money the boys like to brag about in concert these days:

“America stands for freedom, but if you think you’re free / Try walking into a deli and urinating on the cheese.”

I have, on numerous occasions, and trust me, none of the arresting officers let me stand behind my First Amendment rights. I can also assure you that the current incarnation of the Vandals hasn’t come close to authoring anything that bitingly honest or sharp since they first slipped on their checkered Vans in the mid-to-late ’80s and recruited a teenage drum whiz from Disneyland to be their drum god.

Listen:Anarchy Burger” [at youtube.com]

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published: November 8, 2009 in column: Crate Digger

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Art Brut: “Emily Kane” and Adolescent Yearning

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Illustration by Thom GlickA fleshy, floppy-haired, occasionally peach-fuzzed goofball singing about DC Comics and chocolate milkshakes, Art Brut’s Eddie Argos looks like nothing so much as a towel-clad pudgeball lip-synching into a hairbrush while the school bus honks outside. The band’s first single was contagious in its giddy sense of possibility: You can actually become the people you grew up listening to. All you have to do is… form a band. It was a mission statement, and the band made a joyful noise as if to prove their point, but to really understand why being in a band gives Art Brut such a rush, you should listen to “Emily Kane.”

“I was your boyfriend when we were 15 / It’s the happiest that I’ve ever been.” The first words immediately locate the speaker in a position of adulthood, looking back; even more than most pop songs, “Emily Kane”—a serenade to the eponymous long-lost love—is immediately an ode to adolescent yearning.

Argos self-deprecatingly plays up his childishness (“Even though we didn’t understand / How to do much more than just hold hands”) while supporting his account with specific, familiar observational detail (“If memory serves, we’re still on a break”). His longing is plaintive—“I don’t even know where she lives”—and then parodic: “I’ve not seen her in 10 years… nine months… three weeks… four days… six hours… 13 minutes… five seconds.”

All of which reveals Argos, despite his shambling persona and goofy perspective (“There’s a beast in my soul that can’t be tamed / I’m still in love with Emily Kane”), as a master wordsmith. But despite his facility with form, he’s guileless as a teenager when it comes to content. It’s apparently quite autobiographical. Live, Argos used to relate anecdotes about the current status of his relationship with the song’s muse. And the ironic distance seems to stab at him: “I can’t get over my old flame.”

I think this aching nostalgia explains, perhaps paradoxically, quite a bit of Art Brut’s excitement over pop music.

Even three albums into Art Brut’s career, Argos is still writing songs proclaiming “Those… are… the records I like!” (on third album Art Brut vs. Satan’s “Slap Dash for No Cash”) and screaming about his newfound love of the Replacements. To date, Art Brut has recorded songs called “The Passenger” (not an Iggy Pop cover), “Twist and Shout” (not an Isley Brothers cover), “Pump Up the Volume” (not a MARRS cover), “People in Love” (not a 10cc cover), “I Will Survive” (not a Gloria Gaynor cover), “Jealous Guy” (not a John Lennon cover), and “Blame It on the Trains” (not a Milli Vanilli cover).

The guys in Art Brut are fans, is the point. And that’s why the key lyric and most poignant moment in “Emily Kane” sees Argos telling his long-lost teen love: “I hope this song finds you fame / I want school kids on buses singing your name.” Immortality, as he can conceive it, is to become exactly like the subjects of the songs—other people’s songs—he sang along to when they were together. Crossing over from fan to artist is a fan’s idea of immortality; Argos maintains a fan’s perspective on the other side of the divide. As happy as he is to have formed a band, he misses looking up to them too, like he did when he and Emily Kane were a couple of 15-year-olds—and this nostalgia is only appropriate for a guy who, after all, makes songs that we’ll sing along to in our youth, and remember fondly forever after, as perfect three-minute time machines.

Watch: Art Brut, “Emily Kane” [at youtube.com]

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published: November 3, 2009 in column: Lyrical Communique

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Barnstormer II: On the Road with Daytrotter

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Photos by Michael Harkin/Graphic by Greer AshmanApart from its sway in presidential elections, I knew very little of Iowa before embarking on Daytrotter’s Barnstormer II tour (aka “Barnstormier”) earlier this month. These dates marked the second incarnation of the live music site’s mini-tour of Wisconsin and Iowa barns, offering compelling new sounds to often passed-over Midwestern communities as well as giving emerging bands the opportunity to play in scenic, unusual spots off the typical rock club circuit.

Daytrotter’s founder, Sean Moeller, put out a call earlier this year for barns in the Quad Cities region that would potentially make for cool venues, and received several responses worth scouting out, eventually choosing the best spaces in Iowa and Wisconsin. “We wanted to try and expand what the website does,” explains Moeller, namely its presentation of bands “all live, no overdubs,” the context in which Moeller and company claim is “the best way to hear someone.” The first Barnstormer took place from July 25th through 29th this year, featuring bands who had previously recorded sessions for the site at Daytrotter’s Rock Island, Illinois-based studio, and it went well enough that preparations began immediately for a fall installment of the tour. read more

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published: October 23, 2009 in column: Feature Story

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